Visiting Portland! 3/27-3/28

Hello all!
My boy and I will be visiting Portland, Oregon next Thursday and Friday for fun, adventure and debauchery! We're taking appointments together and separately during those days.
If you have suggestions for a great strip club to visit, that would be wonderful!

I'm looking forward to making some new connections with folks down in PDX!

Dirty

Sometimes.. I feel dirty for what I like, what I want, what I need... It feels wrong and shameful to need what I do. I mean that completely. I need to fuck, I need sexual energy. Not just sex, not just an activity... The interactions, the rush, the desire.. Everything. The moments spent thinking about touching someone, feeling them completely, drawing them in and making them want more... Your sexual frustration is so delicious to me.

I don't need it to come. I don't need it to validate me. I don't even need it to confirm anything other than the fact that I am alive and I am blessed with this body. This body loves me and I love it too, I want to share it to show just how good the experience of living can be. How decadent human touch can feel... How intoxicating Just a look can be. This body loves to fuck.

Every time I meet someone I feel a rush of excitement because I get to taste the sexual energy again. It doesn't matter what the activity is as long as there's a connection, an exchange of energy. It feels good. Sometimes it feels so good that I feel for enjoying it so much. It's almost like nothing can be that good and not be bad for me. I know it used to be...

The guilt I feel about my sexuality is conditioned into me, it's designed to keep me reined in; When I'm free of guilt and emotional limitations I happily eat men whole and the power that comes with it is intoxicating... There's so much desire aimed in my direction and if I let it in, it consumes me. I become a full fledged succubus with my fangs out and I'm insatiable in every measurable way. It's dangerous and I think every woman has a succubus inside of her, society just keeps them chained up.

When I was little, I tied up my barbies and made them rape each other while Ken sat in his corner with his pink frilly dress and watched. He wanted to be involved but he wasn't allowed, he had to watch as what should have been his women were violated by someone else and what was worse was that they loved it. I couldn't have been older than 6 when I did this. Slowly, I became aware that sexual acts were seen as dirty by society but it took several more years before I realized what I was doing was sexual and that was only after I had been masturbating to thoughts of non-consent and power play for a great while.

Once all the pieces of sexuality and societal expectations fell into place for me, I felt ashamed and dirty so I cut myself off from sexuality and I looked down on people who were sexual. I think this happens to most women to be honest and it keeps us docile and quiet; Sexuality is not okay, unless it's with a man you love and it's in private and then sometimes it's okay but it depends. Luckily, I don't buy that shit anymore.

You know what? You look tasty..

The Problem with (Not) Sex Work

Let's get something straight here, I'm a dominatrix by profession; I don't have sex with people and I don't engage in activities that escorts engage in. While I like the idea of fucking more people and consider myself a slut, I'm extremely germaphobic and I've made rules for myself dictating when it is and isn't okay to allow people into my body; I feel like access to my most intimate of parts is something special and it's not something I want to give out freely anymore. That doesn't mean I look down on women who actually have penis in vagina sex for a living, in fact I'm actually kind of envious of them. This is where the mind fuck sets in for me: I am a sex worker but I'm not a sex worker; It's complicated.

For a while I've felt really weird about some aspects of my work and yesterday when I was talking with a bunch of other girls I figured out what was causing my weird feelings; On some level I believe that I owe people sex, not even in specific circumstances just in fucking general. It might be easier to deal with if it was just circumstantial but it's not and it's really uncomfortable sometimes telling people no or even being around people who I know want to fuck me because it feels like I'm going against nature. Worse yet, being around most other sex workers feels isolating because I can't relate to their interactions with people due to the fact that our interactions are different. It makes me feel like I'm trapped on the fringes of two worlds and it just sucks.

It feels like I'm going through puberty again and all of my friends are losing their virginities and I'm... Not. It feels awkward and uncomfortable, judgmental and limiting...

In many ways I wish I could just wave a magic wand and have things be simple; It would be so nice to fit neatly into one world or the other. Often I fantasize about becoming a full-fledged escort but honestly, I don't think that would make me happy and I'm incredibly jealous of the women who find happiness there. That's not to say that it's easy at all or that it doesn't take a toll on you, I'm not trying to glamorize it and I don't admire the glamour associated with it; I admire the strength of women who can be escorts. Fucking someone is giving them a part of you for a period of time and it's something so intimate and potentially risky that it boggles my mind how someone can be so strong and so generous with their body.

I feel like a hypocrite sometimes by calling myself a sex worker because I'm not giving as much as an escort is giving and I don't know how to find something that feels like I'm giving something equivalent. .... More importantly, I don't know why I'm down playing what I do or how much I give to people. It's probably a combination of how much importance I put on sex and how much importance other people put on sex. Unfortunately, I don't know how to reconcile those beliefs and my desires. So I'm left with a big heap of ideas, concepts and reasons but not really any answer other than "hopefully everything will work out if I just be myself and try my best" which kinda sucks but it's better than nothing.

Talking to other people about similar shit would probably help too.

New Photos; Yes, I've been working out

How to Achieve Happiness with Your Vanilla Partner as a Submissive

Cross posted from DommeDose.com

How to Achieve Happiness with Your Vanilla Partner as a Submissive

By Dominatrix Ruby Enraylls – http://rubylovesyou.com

As a professional dominatrix, I speak with many men who have the desire to be controlled by a powerful (and often manipulating) woman. Unfortunately for these men, general society dictates that women should be subservient, docile, and obedient towards their male counterparts. As a result, submissive men often find themselves frustrated in marriages with women who, for all their wonderful qualities, aren’t taking control. These relationships don’t have to fail, and can end up being quite successful, and I’m going to provide a guide for you to get there in four possibly not-so-easy steps!

Step One: Determine What You Want

So, you want to give up control. What does that mean? I define control as the ability to affect, influence, or impact a situation, person, or thing directly and with intent. So, the desire to give up control is a desire for your partner to intentionally influence you. This means you’re asking them to lead you, dictate changes, make decisions and initiate interactions- At least, this is what control means to me.

It goes without saying that what control means to me and what control means to anyone else is probably different so before considering how to alter your relationship, you should make two lists: One list will have 5-10 actions, feelings or situations that make you feel submissive and the other will describe the inverse. These lists should help you figure out what control means to you and how you want to be submissive.

Although people don't tend to neatly fit into categories, I've found that generally there are themes when it comes to the activities that someone enjoys; Often someone who likes doing service for their partner will also enjoy sexually pleasing their partner. Just as someone who enjoys having someone spit in their face will also usually enjoy being told how dirty and nasty they are. The main categories that submissive behavior and preferences tend to fall into seem to be fetish, service, masochism, sexuality, humiliation, degradation, behavior modification and power.

Fetish; An activity or preferred object or body part that is very much focused on such as a woman's foot or smelling dirty panties. Service; Enjoying or wanting to do things for other people that make their lives better or easier, classically house work and menial labor such as data entry or organizing paper work. Masochism; Enjoying a painful, unpleasant or uncomfortable activity such as spanking or rope suspension. Humiliation; Seeking out situations or activities that produce feelings of inadequacy, shame, embarrassment. Degradation; Enjoying activities that make you feel dirty, bad, wrong, shameful, evil, slutty, disgusting or less than other people. Behavior Modification; Wanting to have someone control what you do, how you think, what you feel and what you want. Power; Wanting to feel powerless compared to someone else, to feel controlled or overwhelmed by them.

Obviously, each category is not mutually exclusive and often most people enjoy some activities that fit into multiple categories in different degrees of intensity. In my experience, the intensity experienced by someone submissive tends to range from enjoying a lifestyle 24/7 dynamic where the submissive is always submissive to experiencing a casual fantasy where they only want to be told to do something that they already wish to do. With all of that said, each submissive varies widely in their tastes, preferences and dislikes so even those that are categorically the same can be extremely different.

For example, I currently have two submissives who both enjoy service and providing me with care but both of them have different approaches to service: One of them likes to help me around the house by cooking, cleaning and doing other chores and feels at peace while he is taking care of physical tasks for me. The other however, doesn't really enjoy doing physical tasks (especially cleaning.) She enjoys engaging in psychologically taxing tasks that contribute to me having more energy to better accomplish everything else I have to do.

Step Two: Determine What She Wants

Everyone falls somewhere on the D/s scale, whether they’re aware of it or not. Sometimes those inclinations are very fluid, other times they’re less so – it’s very similar to sexual orientation in that regard. It’s possible that your wife is just as submissive as you are (or more!), and just doesn’t want to be dominant, for the same types of reasons you don’t.

Does your wife like making decisions? Does she know what kink is? How does she feel about it? Is she open-minded? Being dominant over you will require your wife to make many choices for themselves and for you. If she hates decisions, it’s going to be very difficult to find a way where she’s happy controlling you. Similarly, if she hates the idea of kink and you try to manipulate her into dominating you, she’s probably going to be extremely upset if she finds out.

On the other hand, it’s very common for women to feel heard, considered, and empowered by their husbands. Being dominant does take some effort, but if it means an increased ability to get what she wants, it may be worth it for her. When I’ve instructed submissive men to offer control to their wives in the past, it has been met with joy. This is probably related to how they went about it and what control they relinquished, but more about that in step four.

Step Three: Decide On a Course of Action

At this point, you have most of the information you need to make a decision. Do you want to express your submission with your wife, or with a professional?

When making this decision, you first need to realize that your wife will never be the perfect dominatrix for you. A professional is there to provide you with a relatively uncomplicated fantasy interaction, within her own limitations. Because you have set an exchange rate with her, she’s more willing to conform to your desires. Because you’ve discussed limits and mutual interests, you’ll likely get a closer approximation of what you want. So (unless someone is lying), there’s virtually no chance of either person getting shortchanged in the arrangement. On the other hand, your wife is likely to have her own agenda (which is probably not “fulfill your fantasy so she can pay her bills”). She’ll have her own desires, her own needs, and her own wants. Those probably won’t align perfectly with yours, and that’s okay. Use the information you gathered in steps one and two to figure out how close you can get to what you want with your wife, and then make a decision about whether that’s close enough for you.

Even if your wife is submissively inclined, it may be possible for you to fulfill one another’s needs. You’ll both have to work for it, but if you’re willing to be creative and compromise it can work. Perhaps it means that you won’t get all of your fantasies met. Perhaps it means supplementing the D/s between the two of you with a professional. Perhaps it means exploring new ways to interact together. If she’s open to it, though, and you believe that getting your needs fulfilled within your existing relationship is the route you’d like to choose, step four has suggestions on how to make the transition into more control easier for her, and helping her see that domination isn’t scary, impossible, masculine, or gross.

<Would put some more stuff here about how relationships (can) change when D/s elements are added, because that’s an easy thing to not really be able to predict, and seems relevant to the decision of whether to add D/s to your existing relationship or go see a pro>

Step Four: Offer Her Control (if appropriate)

The guiding principle here is that you want to create situations where you’re allowing your wife to direct and influence you. You want to set up an environment where it’s easy for her to lead you, initiate changes, and make decisions.

When initially giving control to a partner with whom you’ve previously been equals, it’s tempting to either simply say “I want you to control me.” or to give them explicit instructions for how they should control you. The former is overwhelming and intimidating for most vanilla women, and the second is counterproductive. It defeats the point of giving up control, and it’s likely to be rejected by a woman who will actually take control or accepted disdainfully as a command by a woman who doesn’t want to be in charge. Neither of those options are what you want, so don’t tell your wife to tell you to do something.

What do you do, then? The specifics will be different for everyone, but some good starting questions are “How can I make your life easier?” “What can I do to help you around the house?” and “What do you hate doing?” In addition to these questions, it would be a good idea to pay attention when you make decisions together or when you make decisions for the two of you. Common decisions that you may be taking for granted are what you are eating, what you are wearing, how something is done around the house, and who does what chores. When you notice yourself making such decisions, consider asking for her opinion. Eventually, she will become more accustomed to making decisions on your behalf and having that control over you will feel natural to her.

Although most highly visible models for how D/s relationships start involve the dominant asking for (or taking) control over the submissive, the inverse also happens. In fact, my experience has shown that relationships tend to be far healthier when the submissive gives control than when the dominant takes it. Anything taken by force walks the line of abuse, and by offering control before she asks for it, you’re mitigating one potential concern. Be aware, however, that she may not want the control you’re offering, and it also causes issues to force control onto someone who doesn’t want it. Ideally, you want to give your wife as much control as she wants to have and as much as you want to give. Keep in mind that those two values may not match up exactly, and that they will both be constantly shifting and changing. While that may sound undesirable, it allows you to learn and grow together. If something is constantly changing, it’s (hopefully!) becoming better and closer to the ideal for both parties.

But What About BDSM?

I understand that allowing your wife to make all the decisions isn’t exactly fetish-oriented. At the end of the day, you’re still doing service for a wonderful woman, and perhaps that’s enough. Introducing BDSM activities isn’t off the table, but you don’t want to force anything upon her. If she’s not open minded, if she’s uncomfortable with kink, or if she’s not comfortable taking the lead, you should probably leave BDSM and kink out of your relationship.

If you choose to introduce BDSM, I suggest mentioning something innocent very casually. Perhaps say something like “Have you ever used handcuffs on someone? I overhead someone at work talking about an exploit of his where he used handcuffs…” Alternately, if your acting abilities are such that you can seem surprised by it, you can “stumble across” some BDSM or fetish picture in a relatively innocent place (think Wikipedia) and ask what your partner thinks.

You want to seem curious or surprised when you bring it up, but you want to leave a believable out if your partner is disgusted. If she reacts strongly negatively, you want to be left in a situation where you can respond with “Yeah, the handcuff thing seemed weird to me, too. Why would he have done that?” or agree with her disgusted shock that Wikipedia had such perverse content. You don’t want to end up in a situation where your wife has to choose between obviously insulting your fantasies and expressing her true opinions.

In the event that your partner is interested in BDSM too, I suggest starting off very innocently; Crops, blindfolds, hand cuffs and the like. Introduce things slowly and really make her a part of your exploration by reading things together, watching videos together, shopping together, ect. Even if she isn't initially interested in something, it's likely that if you are and she's open minded she'll try it and like it or try it because you like it. The most important thing to remember is to have fun and make it into a bonding experience, if you do that it will have a positive outcome.

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to forward them to me at rubyenraylls@gmail.com

A Very Sweet Review and Some Thoughts

Upon request one of my lovely submissives, P. wrote this for me to surmise his experience with me. 
I don't think I'll ever get tired of reading about the wonderful experiences that I've helped create for other people. Knowing that I can make someone's day, week, month, year or even lifetime is immensely flattering, enthralling and inspiring; It truly makes me feel like I'm making the world a little bit brighter, in my own weird way.

"I just want to say a little something about Ruby.
I have never seen a "pro" before so she was my first experience there, and as we all know, first impressions are important. I admit I was a bit hesitant, with all that we hear nowadays about being set-up, ripped off, or worse in such circumstances, I was very cautious and a bit edgy.
We met at a casual public place and walked to her place of business.
Ruby soon made me feel at ease. She is not only very sexy, she is very real and very accommodating. We chatted a bit more so she could learn more about what I desired and my limitations. Although I was still feeling a bit self conscience of the large age difference between us, she never gave any indication that she was nothing but pleased to fulfill my fantasy scene.
That being said, once our session began, I was in pure bliss. I won't get into details, but I'm a pretty kinky dude, and she filled and fulfilled my desires as well as humanly possible. It was the best hour and a half of my life, and the quickest! (note to self, next session must be at least 2 hours or more).
When our official time came to a close, Ruby was so gracious, she made no effort to push me out the door, in fact we sat on the floor and talked at length. At this point I was VERY comfortable with her. If you're old like me, and a Beatles fan like me, think Norwegian wood.
By now I was actually starting to feel like I was imposing, staying longer than I should. But Ruby is one that is so pleasant to be around, its easy to forget that she is a "provider", and think of her as a friend.
I envy those who get to spend time with Ruby on a daily basis, she is smart, sexy, beautiful and a genuinely fun person to be around. My only regret is that my time with her is so limited. In short, Ruby can be your dream cum true, if your willing to let her.
P."

Kink Influences

If you know me, it's no secret that I've been kinky effectively since I could walk. Previously, I've just accepted this as my reality and left it at that but recently I've begun thinking about my influences and how they shaped who I am and what I like. Today I'm going to share a few of my influences and what I liked about them.

Xenia Onatopp

Have you watched Golden Eye? It was my favorite movie for years, starting with the first time I ever watched it when I was probably 4 or 5. I'm not sure why my parents even let me watch James Bond movies but they did and I was enthralled. I didn't really give a shit about the violence in fact I barely noticed it, what I did notice was Xenia Onatopp killing people with her thighs and Natalya Simonova's super sexy accent. In fact I liked Xenia so much that I used to put other kids in scissor grips with my legs because I thought it was awesome to have that much control over someone. (Several of my middle school friends will attest to this.) I believe I also begged my mom to let me take a Russian class almost immediately after I saw Golden Eye. 

Strangely enough, the connection between my obsession with scissor grips/breath control and sexual excitement only recently surfaced for me. I have no idea why it took so long for me to become aware of it because it's extremely obvious now.

I think it was the display of power that I was so attracted to; Xenia lures men into a place where they think they're safe and in control (typically, they would be right as men are often the dominant players in sexual interactions) and then she absolutely turns the tables on them when not only are they least expecting it but they've let their guard down. I love the trickery and seduction that is put into such an interaction and I love that she gets off on it even more. In retrospect, I think what really stood out to me about Xenia was that she was a woman; Previously I had only seen men get off on taking control and power.

Xena the Warrior Princess

Okay so, Xena is really campy, I'll admit that. However, that doesn't make Xena any less powerful in her world; She kicks ass with reckless abandon, travels on her own, saves men and women from bad guys and seduces men to get what she wants. (Obviously, there is going to be a theme of women using their sexuality to control men here and that says a lot about me.) GO AHEAD, tell me that isn't empowering?! Sure, she's a sex object but she chooses to be a sex object because wearing leather is badass and being sexy while you kill demons is fucking cool. I think she only gets saved by a man once or twice and then she almost immediately turns the tables and saves them from an even worse fate. I'm sure I could find many flaws in Xena and probably rip her power to shreds but when I first saw her, that was not what I was thinking about. Honestly, I was too busy being in awe of her kicking ass and taking names in a metal push up bra at the tender age of 6.

Birdy the Mighty

This one is a little obscure, so I'll explain who Birdy is.

Birdy the Mighty is an anime about a spandex clad alien super heroine federal space officer from outer space who accidentally kills a teenage boy and then is forced to share a body with him. (And let the lulz ensue.) The show follows Birdy fighting crime (aka fucked up aliens) and protecting the boy in many instances (some of which she's naked in) and teaching the boy to be a better person. Although I'm pretty sure after the first two episodes it gets really shitty and awful... Those are absolutely not part of my scope of memory though as I didn't discover them until about a year ago.

So anyways, Birdy is another powerful female character (at least she was in the first couple of episodes) who is oozing sexuality. Although she doesn't really directly use it in the show, it's more of a tool to draw in the viewer. 

Some Crazy Furry Porn I Found Online

I wish I could remember the name of the artist of the crazy furry porn my best friend and I found on Neopets when we were 10 or 11. Unfortunately, I haven't really looked at it since then and the only things I remember were that the artist always drew wolves and she called her boyfriend "Dirtbag" and often drew him all tied up and tortured.  

Quite honestly, half wolf half people tied up and experiencing CBT blew me the fuck away when I was 10. (Not that I knew any 10 year olds who wouldn't be blown away by it...) Really though, the weird part was just that they were wolves. No, seriously. Something about the BDSM elements just clicked with me; I remember thinking "Well of course he's tied up. That's what you do to boys when they're bad and messing with their penises." Boy oh boy what the fuck does that say about me? I'm not sure I want to know..

What This Shit Says About Me

First and foremost, I'm fucking weird.
I think I must have found bondage pictures some where when I was a kid because I was forever trying to figure out how to tie up a Barbie with a hog tie (it's really hard, guys) and when I finally became aware that BDSM was a thing people did, I already knew two and single column ties as well as diamond harnesses and chest harnesses. I'm confident that my preoccupation with power and control is largely influenced by the media I've talked about in this post but there's some information that I just really have no idea where it came from. What I do know is that my biggest fetish is absolutely power exchange and everything that I'm interested in seems to become vastly more interesting when I realize that there's a power element. Given the influences that I have, that absolutely makes sense.

So I guess the moral of the story is if you don't want your children to grow up to be kinksters, don't let them look at BDSM furry porn on the internet. Or Animal Planet, that was bad for me too.