Hello all!
My boy and I will be visiting Portland, Oregon next Thursday and Friday for fun, adventure and debauchery! We're taking appointments together and separately during those days.
If you have suggestions for a great strip club to visit, that would be wonderful!
I'm looking forward to making some new connections with folks down in PDX!
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Dirty
Sometimes.. I feel dirty for what I like, what I want, what I need... It feels wrong and shameful to need what I do. I mean that completely. I need to fuck, I need sexual energy. Not just sex, not just an activity... The interactions, the rush, the desire.. Everything. The moments spent thinking about touching someone, feeling them completely, drawing them in and making them want more... Your sexual frustration is so delicious to me.
I don't need it to come. I don't need it to validate me. I don't even need it to confirm anything other than the fact that I am alive and I am blessed with this body. This body loves me and I love it too, I want to share it to show just how good the experience of living can be. How decadent human touch can feel... How intoxicating Just a look can be. This body loves to fuck.
Every time I meet someone I feel a rush of excitement because I get to taste the sexual energy again. It doesn't matter what the activity is as long as there's a connection, an exchange of energy. It feels good. Sometimes it feels so good that I feel for enjoying it so much. It's almost like nothing can be that good and not be bad for me. I know it used to be...
The guilt I feel about my sexuality is conditioned into me, it's designed to keep me reined in; When I'm free of guilt and emotional limitations I happily eat men whole and the power that comes with it is intoxicating... There's so much desire aimed in my direction and if I let it in, it consumes me. I become a full fledged succubus with my fangs out and I'm insatiable in every measurable way. It's dangerous and I think every woman has a succubus inside of her, society just keeps them chained up.
When I was little, I tied up my barbies and made them rape each other while Ken sat in his corner with his pink frilly dress and watched. He wanted to be involved but he wasn't allowed, he had to watch as what should have been his women were violated by someone else and what was worse was that they loved it. I couldn't have been older than 6 when I did this. Slowly, I became aware that sexual acts were seen as dirty by society but it took several more years before I realized what I was doing was sexual and that was only after I had been masturbating to thoughts of non-consent and power play for a great while.
Once all the pieces of sexuality and societal expectations fell into place for me, I felt ashamed and dirty so I cut myself off from sexuality and I looked down on people who were sexual. I think this happens to most women to be honest and it keeps us docile and quiet; Sexuality is not okay, unless it's with a man you love and it's in private and then sometimes it's okay but it depends. Luckily, I don't buy that shit anymore.
You know what? You look tasty..
I don't need it to come. I don't need it to validate me. I don't even need it to confirm anything other than the fact that I am alive and I am blessed with this body. This body loves me and I love it too, I want to share it to show just how good the experience of living can be. How decadent human touch can feel... How intoxicating Just a look can be. This body loves to fuck.
Every time I meet someone I feel a rush of excitement because I get to taste the sexual energy again. It doesn't matter what the activity is as long as there's a connection, an exchange of energy. It feels good. Sometimes it feels so good that I feel for enjoying it so much. It's almost like nothing can be that good and not be bad for me. I know it used to be...
The guilt I feel about my sexuality is conditioned into me, it's designed to keep me reined in; When I'm free of guilt and emotional limitations I happily eat men whole and the power that comes with it is intoxicating... There's so much desire aimed in my direction and if I let it in, it consumes me. I become a full fledged succubus with my fangs out and I'm insatiable in every measurable way. It's dangerous and I think every woman has a succubus inside of her, society just keeps them chained up.
When I was little, I tied up my barbies and made them rape each other while Ken sat in his corner with his pink frilly dress and watched. He wanted to be involved but he wasn't allowed, he had to watch as what should have been his women were violated by someone else and what was worse was that they loved it. I couldn't have been older than 6 when I did this. Slowly, I became aware that sexual acts were seen as dirty by society but it took several more years before I realized what I was doing was sexual and that was only after I had been masturbating to thoughts of non-consent and power play for a great while.
Once all the pieces of sexuality and societal expectations fell into place for me, I felt ashamed and dirty so I cut myself off from sexuality and I looked down on people who were sexual. I think this happens to most women to be honest and it keeps us docile and quiet; Sexuality is not okay, unless it's with a man you love and it's in private and then sometimes it's okay but it depends. Luckily, I don't buy that shit anymore.
You know what? You look tasty..
Thursday, February 13, 2014
The Problem with (Not) Sex Work
Let's get something straight here, I'm a dominatrix by profession; I don't have sex with people and I don't engage in activities that escorts engage in. While I like the idea of fucking more people and consider myself a slut, I'm extremely germaphobic and I've made rules for myself dictating when it is and isn't okay to allow people into my body; I feel like access to my most intimate of parts is something special and it's not something I want to give out freely anymore. That doesn't mean I look down on women who actually have penis in vagina sex for a living, in fact I'm actually kind of envious of them. This is where the mind fuck sets in for me: I am a sex worker but I'm not a sex worker; It's complicated.
For a while I've felt really weird about some aspects of my work and yesterday when I was talking with a bunch of other girls I figured out what was causing my weird feelings; On some level I believe that I owe people sex, not even in specific circumstances just in fucking general. It might be easier to deal with if it was just circumstantial but it's not and it's really uncomfortable sometimes telling people no or even being around people who I know want to fuck me because it feels like I'm going against nature. Worse yet, being around most other sex workers feels isolating because I can't relate to their interactions with people due to the fact that our interactions are different. It makes me feel like I'm trapped on the fringes of two worlds and it just sucks.
It feels like I'm going through puberty again and all of my friends are losing their virginities and I'm... Not. It feels awkward and uncomfortable, judgmental and limiting...
In many ways I wish I could just wave a magic wand and have things be simple; It would be so nice to fit neatly into one world or the other. Often I fantasize about becoming a full-fledged escort but honestly, I don't think that would make me happy and I'm incredibly jealous of the women who find happiness there. That's not to say that it's easy at all or that it doesn't take a toll on you, I'm not trying to glamorize it and I don't admire the glamour associated with it; I admire the strength of women who can be escorts. Fucking someone is giving them a part of you for a period of time and it's something so intimate and potentially risky that it boggles my mind how someone can be so strong and so generous with their body.
I feel like a hypocrite sometimes by calling myself a sex worker because I'm not giving as much as an escort is giving and I don't know how to find something that feels like I'm giving something equivalent. .... More importantly, I don't know why I'm down playing what I do or how much I give to people. It's probably a combination of how much importance I put on sex and how much importance other people put on sex. Unfortunately, I don't know how to reconcile those beliefs and my desires. So I'm left with a big heap of ideas, concepts and reasons but not really any answer other than "hopefully everything will work out if I just be myself and try my best" which kinda sucks but it's better than nothing.
Talking to other people about similar shit would probably help too.
For a while I've felt really weird about some aspects of my work and yesterday when I was talking with a bunch of other girls I figured out what was causing my weird feelings; On some level I believe that I owe people sex, not even in specific circumstances just in fucking general. It might be easier to deal with if it was just circumstantial but it's not and it's really uncomfortable sometimes telling people no or even being around people who I know want to fuck me because it feels like I'm going against nature. Worse yet, being around most other sex workers feels isolating because I can't relate to their interactions with people due to the fact that our interactions are different. It makes me feel like I'm trapped on the fringes of two worlds and it just sucks.
It feels like I'm going through puberty again and all of my friends are losing their virginities and I'm... Not. It feels awkward and uncomfortable, judgmental and limiting...
In many ways I wish I could just wave a magic wand and have things be simple; It would be so nice to fit neatly into one world or the other. Often I fantasize about becoming a full-fledged escort but honestly, I don't think that would make me happy and I'm incredibly jealous of the women who find happiness there. That's not to say that it's easy at all or that it doesn't take a toll on you, I'm not trying to glamorize it and I don't admire the glamour associated with it; I admire the strength of women who can be escorts. Fucking someone is giving them a part of you for a period of time and it's something so intimate and potentially risky that it boggles my mind how someone can be so strong and so generous with their body.
I feel like a hypocrite sometimes by calling myself a sex worker because I'm not giving as much as an escort is giving and I don't know how to find something that feels like I'm giving something equivalent. .... More importantly, I don't know why I'm down playing what I do or how much I give to people. It's probably a combination of how much importance I put on sex and how much importance other people put on sex. Unfortunately, I don't know how to reconcile those beliefs and my desires. So I'm left with a big heap of ideas, concepts and reasons but not really any answer other than "hopefully everything will work out if I just be myself and try my best" which kinda sucks but it's better than nothing.
Talking to other people about similar shit would probably help too.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
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