Dirty

Sometimes.. I feel dirty for what I like, what I want, what I need... It feels wrong and shameful to need what I do. I mean that completely. I need to fuck, I need sexual energy. Not just sex, not just an activity... The interactions, the rush, the desire.. Everything. The moments spent thinking about touching someone, feeling them completely, drawing them in and making them want more... Your sexual frustration is so delicious to me.

I don't need it to come. I don't need it to validate me. I don't even need it to confirm anything other than the fact that I am alive and I am blessed with this body. This body loves me and I love it too, I want to share it to show just how good the experience of living can be. How decadent human touch can feel... How intoxicating Just a look can be. This body loves to fuck.

Every time I meet someone I feel a rush of excitement because I get to taste the sexual energy again. It doesn't matter what the activity is as long as there's a connection, an exchange of energy. It feels good. Sometimes it feels so good that I feel for enjoying it so much. It's almost like nothing can be that good and not be bad for me. I know it used to be...

The guilt I feel about my sexuality is conditioned into me, it's designed to keep me reined in; When I'm free of guilt and emotional limitations I happily eat men whole and the power that comes with it is intoxicating... There's so much desire aimed in my direction and if I let it in, it consumes me. I become a full fledged succubus with my fangs out and I'm insatiable in every measurable way. It's dangerous and I think every woman has a succubus inside of her, society just keeps them chained up.

When I was little, I tied up my barbies and made them rape each other while Ken sat in his corner with his pink frilly dress and watched. He wanted to be involved but he wasn't allowed, he had to watch as what should have been his women were violated by someone else and what was worse was that they loved it. I couldn't have been older than 6 when I did this. Slowly, I became aware that sexual acts were seen as dirty by society but it took several more years before I realized what I was doing was sexual and that was only after I had been masturbating to thoughts of non-consent and power play for a great while.

Once all the pieces of sexuality and societal expectations fell into place for me, I felt ashamed and dirty so I cut myself off from sexuality and I looked down on people who were sexual. I think this happens to most women to be honest and it keeps us docile and quiet; Sexuality is not okay, unless it's with a man you love and it's in private and then sometimes it's okay but it depends. Luckily, I don't buy that shit anymore.

You know what? You look tasty..