Dominatrix Advice; When You Are The Other Woman

Unfortunately, not everyone is as honest as we would hope; Sometimes people lie to their significant others and sometimes that sucks for everyone involved, especially if you aren't actually involved in the issues at hand. As a professional dominatrix, fetishist, submissive, escort, ect and even just as a person in the dating scene you will encounter this issue at one point in time or another. Likely, if you are the person outside of the relationship you will be blamed by one or both parties for any and all issues... And that sucks because unless you actually did something to pry one person away from the other, it isn't your fault. Hell, even if you did it wasn't your choice or your relationship even if you were an influencing factor in the final decision.

Let me highlight that again: Even if you make mistakes, someone else's relationship is not your problem. 

If anyone would know that important piece of information, it would be me; Unfortunately I often have my fingers in other people's business. Literally and figuratively. Sure, you could tell me that I'm a terrible person for allowing other people to cheat on their significant others but it is really not my business. I believe that honesty and openness are the corner stones of a healthy relationship and I encourage people to be honest or end it but at the end of the day it's not my decision, my problem or my life. Occasionally this blows the fuck up in my face. Take yesterday for example:

Yesterday morning I woke up to a slew of angry text messages from the now ex girlfriend of one of my favorite clients that contained the following information:

I am X's girlfriend. I found your number and X told me he bought things for you and that is not okay with me. He and I decided to try to work out our failing relationship and I think that you are the sole problem in it. I don't care if you hang out but he has promised me that he won't ever see you again because he said that you two have an intimate relationship.

Yikes. Where do I even begin with that information? My bitchy side wants to cackle and just point blank say what went on and sit and watch the fireworks that ensue... But that is awful and absolutely inappropriate regardless of the reasons behind it.

So what should you do when confronted by someone else's significant other? Plead the goddamn fifth, give them your condolences for whatever issues they are having and encourage them to talk to their partner (or in this case, ex.) Someone else's relationship is basically none of your business and it is in everyone's best interest to keep it that way. Sure, you could offer advice but if you're at all like me that's the reason you're in the middle of this in the first place. So keep calm, don't get angry (they are undoubtedly trying to provoke you) and carry on.

Worst case scenario you lose a client/friend and two people hate and blame you for issues in their relationship, if you don't engage then you don't have to deal with that anyways and they will go away on their own.

Hopefully, everyone involved can be adults and you can come to an agreement. Ideally, that would be an open policy in the relationship where the person you were seeing continues to see you and is honest about it with their significant other and you even reassure them from time to time. Keep in mind that is a best case scenario and is probably very unlikely. With that said, unless you want to cause arguments and probably get screamed at you should just not be involved with both parties.

If the person you were seeing chooses to continue to see you make sure that it is crystal clear that you will have nothing to do with them if their significant other gets involved with you and that their relationship is not something that you will be a part of. If either party doesn't respect your wishes then you leave. I cannot stress this enough: Keep your boundaries firm and make sure that you don't get roped into this situation anymore than you need to be. It is also wise to make a point of saying that honesty is the best policy and that you would be far more comfortable with everyone being aware and consensually involved in the situation. Beyond that, it's up to you if you're comfortable risking having an angry wife, husband or girlfriend confront you at random (likely with no idea what is actually going on.)

If you have any questions, comments or stories to share about cheating, lying in relationships or extra-relationshipular BDSM/fetish/kink please leave a comment or email me at rubyenraylls@gmail.com