A Very Sweet Review and Some Thoughts

Upon request one of my lovely submissives, P. wrote this for me to surmise his experience with me. 
I don't think I'll ever get tired of reading about the wonderful experiences that I've helped create for other people. Knowing that I can make someone's day, week, month, year or even lifetime is immensely flattering, enthralling and inspiring; It truly makes me feel like I'm making the world a little bit brighter, in my own weird way.

"I just want to say a little something about Ruby.
I have never seen a "pro" before so she was my first experience there, and as we all know, first impressions are important. I admit I was a bit hesitant, with all that we hear nowadays about being set-up, ripped off, or worse in such circumstances, I was very cautious and a bit edgy.
We met at a casual public place and walked to her place of business.
Ruby soon made me feel at ease. She is not only very sexy, she is very real and very accommodating. We chatted a bit more so she could learn more about what I desired and my limitations. Although I was still feeling a bit self conscience of the large age difference between us, she never gave any indication that she was nothing but pleased to fulfill my fantasy scene.
That being said, once our session began, I was in pure bliss. I won't get into details, but I'm a pretty kinky dude, and she filled and fulfilled my desires as well as humanly possible. It was the best hour and a half of my life, and the quickest! (note to self, next session must be at least 2 hours or more).
When our official time came to a close, Ruby was so gracious, she made no effort to push me out the door, in fact we sat on the floor and talked at length. At this point I was VERY comfortable with her. If you're old like me, and a Beatles fan like me, think Norwegian wood.
By now I was actually starting to feel like I was imposing, staying longer than I should. But Ruby is one that is so pleasant to be around, its easy to forget that she is a "provider", and think of her as a friend.
I envy those who get to spend time with Ruby on a daily basis, she is smart, sexy, beautiful and a genuinely fun person to be around. My only regret is that my time with her is so limited. In short, Ruby can be your dream cum true, if your willing to let her.
P."

A Lucky Boy in Chastity

Here are several more paragraphs from the Lucky Boy about his experiences in chastity, getting a reward, disappointing me and my response to the disappointment. Enjoy!

Miss Ruby took me to her space, tied me and blindfolded me. Now, I had been told not to wear my chastity cage that night so, there I was blindfolded, pants around my legs and my cock hard, dripping and aching for Miss Ruby. I had no idea what would come next and her mastery at being in charge only fueled my sexual desires even more. Miss Ruby invaded my ass, stroked my cock, clamped my nipples and took complete control over my willing body. I wasn’t allowed to cum and she brought me closer and closer to the edge and then back again. I had such a desire to cum but my desire to be good overcame it. Then she gave me permission to and I couldn’t. I wanted to so bad, I was right there on the edge and I tried and tried and Miss Ruby was being so good to me and giving me everything and more than I should have needed to cum but I just wouldn’t. It was like this frustrating combination of all my insecurities and having not cum in almost three weeks and I never came. After we were done and I was left frustrated, feeling like I had been a disappointment, Miss Ruby informed me that I was not allowed to cum and she also gave me some new chastity rules.

Whether or not I had truly been a disappointment that night, only Miss Ruby knows. However, what undeniably was a disappointment was me, the following morning. Not only did I break the chastity rule while shortcutting but, while doing so I also broke the rule of not being allowed to cum. I was so frustrated with having not cum and still so heated with my desires for Miss Ruby that I took from her what was hers, what I had voluntarily given up control of. It was one of the worst orgasms I’ve ever had. It was painful and I felt like such a disappointment during and after. I felt pathetic. I chastised myself and argued with myself all morning between telling Miss Ruby and not telling her. I knew that I had to be honest so I sent her a text telling her what had happened. I waited and waited and since having met her I had the worst day at work. I was close to tears throughout that day. I mean, she had taken such good care of me the night before and I ruined it all with one little selfish action. I just knew that she would be angry and feared she wouldn’t even want to have anything to do with this pathetic submissive who was untrustworthy. She did forgive me but, she was worried and rightfully so. I was relieved that she forgave me and I got to go and see her again that evening.

We spent that evening visiting and discussing what I had done. I couldn’t even look at her unashamedly for the longest time and she could definitely tell. Miss Ruby seems to be able to peer into my soul and see exactly what I need, deserve, what I desire and if not, she certainly knows how to get it out of me. That evening I had the sincere pleasure of staying the night. It felt absolutely amazing sleeping next to her. Miss Ruby’s body not only looks perfect but it also feels perfect. Her soft skin, soothing voice and her touch, oh that touch, are all so amazingly delightful to be curled up next to. I got to lay there with my head on her chest for quite some time, listening to her heartbeat as it lulled me off to sleep. It was the best night’s sleep I’d had in quite some time and even though I only got a few hours I felt rejuvenated. I was the happiest boy at work the following day and people couldn’t figure out what was going on with me. I was goofy and playful and probably the most positive that I’d been in quite some time. Miss Ruby had forgiven me, I did have a punishment coming, but her forgiveness and her desire to still want to see me and not give up on me meant so much to me. I have this fear in relationships that I’m going to be tossed to the side, be given up on, or just suddenly and without warning cut off. It’s happened to me in the past and it frightens me to the point to where I pretty much just expect it. I’ve avoided some potentially meaningful relationships in the past or ended some because of this fear. I hate having that fear but, I have this trust, feeling or, whatever you want to call it that Miss Ruby’s not going to give up. She seems to want me to serve her, to be a good boy for her and I have every intention to do my best for her. 

I got to stay with her the following night as well and spent most of the next day by her side too. We slept in together, she held me, she teased me and, she made me feel safe. I enjoyed every moment with Miss Ruby. We worked on a project together and I got to see a really fun and funny side to her. There was barely a moment where we weren’t either laughing, touching or just simply enjoying each other’s company. All of the kink aside, it’s a real treat to be around someone you can have that kind of a connection with. She makes me feel not only like a good submissive but also like a special person who’s worth her time to be around and who is adding something to her life. I don’t ever want to take away from Miss Ruby. I hope that I can be just as good to her as she’s been to me. 

As for everything else, I’ve offered to take pain for Miss Ruby. I’ve always felt that BDSM was a two way street. There is a reason why Dom’s are Dom’s and sub’s are sub’s. I want to take her pain, I want to be her good boy, her whore, trustworthy boy, friend, submissive – whatever she needs. What I don’t ever want to be and what I will put every effort into; is to never be a disappointment again.

The Ultimate Submissive Relationship

The following is a write up I asked of one of my long distance submissives. This write up is about what his idea of the perfect dominant/submissive looks like and what submission means for him.

I have always thought of submission as the ultimate gift to a Dominant partner. The biggest fear is that the Dominant will not view this gift to be as special as the person giving it. I think it's very important to be treated well as a sub. If I feel special to a Dominant I will move mountains for them. I also think it is up to the sub to relinquish all control to the Dominant with trust they are making decisions in your best interest whether you agree with them or not. If these two parts are present in a relationship the sky is the limit. In my own situation I finally feel I have someone I trust enough to give my gift of submission to. She makes me want to be a better person, a better husband, and a better father. I love to do everything she ask and more because I know it makes her feel special. The things I would like to do in the future are encourage her to take more and more control. The more she controls me the more I know how much I mean to her. The great thing is she praises me doing things well which is as good as foreplay to my submissive nature. I would like for here to chastise me at some point not because I need it for temptations of other women but as a way to remind me constantly who owns my heart, body, and soul. Also maybe some day we could use spanking as a way to establish a corrective action. Sexually she dominates me already by initiating sex which I totally am into. I think I am very close to where I want to be but the chastity and spanking would be such a great addition to our relationship. Some of my friends say I am pussywhipped and I say YES I am end of conversation. I have no problem admitting that she wears the pants in the relationship. Most men do not understand that it is a privilege to be pussywhipped. This means someone cares enough about you to invest time into your development into a better person. To me dominance means love. Dominance is a tool to shape you what they want you to become. If you trust that person enough they will improve you. I cant explain enough what a gift I have received from Miss Ruby to be able to talk about my desires and how to make them happen. Her guidance and firm hand have paved the way to happiness for me. I hope she realizes how treasured my time with her is. She is the best marriage councilor in the world. I cannot wait to  achieve new levels of submission to my wife with her help. YES I am pussywhipped and love it!

The Finer Points of Being Stalked

When I first discovered creepy emails in my inbox that talked about the location of my dungeon I was kind of freaked out. I don't like people getting information about me without asking me, even meaningless shit like what my favorite color is. I've never liked people talking about me behind my back, regardless of the content of the conversation and I've worked hard to accept that people will do that and that most of the time they won't tell me about it. So naturally, finding out that people were digging up any scraps of information on me that seemed relevant at all, creeping on me in various ways and making up extravagant lies about cumming all over my face is at the very least a little wiggy.
But to be honest... It's also kind of flattering.

People I've never met want to know things about me. People who I've never spoken to and have no connect to are telling other people that they fucked me. People I literally don't give a shit about are doing things to get my attention or broadcast the fact that they know me. That's what crazy people do to celebrities! THAT'S FUCKING. COOL. By the transitive property that must mean that I'm some sort of small scale celebrity.

Seriously, think about it; I have directly done absolutely nothing to, with or for these people and they're spending time and effort to find shit out about me. Once you get past the whole "Ew, why would you do that? That's creepy!" thing generating enough buzz and attention that people are seeking you out (sometimes against your will) is in many ways a sign that you're becoming successful.

"But, Mistress!" You might say "How is violating your privacy anything but a massive disregard for your basic human rights?" Well my pet.. Although it is that, people who generally do things like that and use fear tactics to make someone feel like they're in danger are attempting to force control over you. It's non-consensual D/s. If I'm afraid of anonymous dude A, then he has power over me and then he has a reason to feel powerful. The fact that he's trying to scare me (someone he doesn't have a connection with) into submission says to me that he considers me to be powerful or maybe I even emasculated him. Either way, he has set the tone that I am more powerful than him and he is trying to change that by making me fear for my safety. Unfortunately for him, power only comes from within and taking power away from someone else never makes you feel stronger.

So now that I've broken down why I feel flattered, let's break down why I'm not really concerned by all of this because, let's be honest, that's not a normal human response.

Ideally in the animal kingdom, when one creature threatens another it triggers the fight or flight response which in this day and age means that whoever is fight or flighting is FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. The thing is... Most threats aren't even acted on. Worst case scenario, some dude shows up at my dungeon (or maybe my home if he's crafty enough) and worst worst case scenario is that he tries to hurt me. .... Well then. That should be cause for concern, right? Let's assume that he's skilled enough to take me down and get me vulnerable. Well at that point there's not much I can do as "preparation" other than make sure I keep going to Martial Arts and charge my taser, both of which I should do anyways. Even if all else fails and some really bad shit does indeed happen to me/is going to happen to me.. There's not much someone can do to me that hasn't been done already except actually kill me which is weirdly eroticized to me anyways...

*Ahem* I guess the point of all of this is that being scared when you get creepy emails is stupid, block them and do what you can to tighten your security. Being scared when you get creepy calls is stupid, block them. Being scared when someone leers at you through your window is stupid, bean whoever it is on the head and call the cops. But being scared when someone breaks into your place and tries to kidnap you is legit, except when what you're really afraid of is that they'll see you without make up on... *Ahem...*

So if you're being stalked, creeped on, made to feel uncomfortable or what have you, don't obsess over it. Do what you can to make sure your information and space is secure and move on. Worrying about the what ifs will drive you crazy and trying to make everything perfectly safe will never happen. Living be default is dangerous, don't let someone's rude reminder of that ruin your day.

I Make Bad Decisions

Sometimes, I make really bad choices about what I should and shouldn't do; Building things from scratch, that I know nothing about, is often one of those things. Sure, I generally learn a hell of a lot, gain some new skills and get to experience the triumph of having built an entire bathroom almost exclusively by myself which are some pretty damn awesome rewards. Unfortunately what I never seem to take into account before simply deciding to accomplish enormous projects is that I will spend an awful lot of time staring menacingly at something that has not only just wasted my time and energy but that I could have easily paid someone else to deal with in a manner that takes up less time, energy and sanity.

That basically means that I could have spent a lot more time sleeping instead of doing this.

Anyways, moving along.
In the past I've spent  wasted a lot of my time on things that didn't matter and that I didn't learn anything from. Which in retrospect makes me feel like an amazing fuck up and a spectacular failure because I absolutely should have know better than do such things as renew my World of Warcraft subscription (because I totally wasn't going to waste all my time playing video games, I had grown as a person!) or to date someone I hated. However, those choices were mine to make and although they weren't good ones and I didn't even learn anything from them they made me who I am today; A person who still makes decisions without thinking them through someti- Crap!

Well okay. So I might still make mistakes with the same false logic but I would like to think that I'm maturing and making worthwhile mistakes these days.  So maybe my choice to code a website, build a business, or rebuild a house wasn't that well thought out but at least I enjoyed (most) of the time spent on the project and as a bonus I gained a lot of really useful knowledge out of it. Such as the fact that regular drills are not the appropriate tool for drilling concrete.

At the end of the day, if I've accomplished one thing and learned something new and potentially useful I'm happy with that and it feels like a successful day.  Sure, I'm probably not going to discover something new and incredibly exciting for anyone but me and I might not even learn anything that will ever be useful again and that's okay. Want to know why? It's because the caliber of the decisions I'm making has drastically changed which means I'm learning and I'm growing on a fundamental level as a result of it. And that my friends, is something that I'm very proud of.