Hello all!
My boy and I will be visiting Portland, Oregon next Thursday and Friday for fun, adventure and debauchery! We're taking appointments together and separately during those days.
If you have suggestions for a great strip club to visit, that would be wonderful!
I'm looking forward to making some new connections with folks down in PDX!
Showing posts with label prodomme. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prodomme. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Thursday, February 13, 2014
The Problem with (Not) Sex Work
Let's get something straight here, I'm a dominatrix by profession; I don't have sex with people and I don't engage in activities that escorts engage in. While I like the idea of fucking more people and consider myself a slut, I'm extremely germaphobic and I've made rules for myself dictating when it is and isn't okay to allow people into my body; I feel like access to my most intimate of parts is something special and it's not something I want to give out freely anymore. That doesn't mean I look down on women who actually have penis in vagina sex for a living, in fact I'm actually kind of envious of them. This is where the mind fuck sets in for me: I am a sex worker but I'm not a sex worker; It's complicated.
For a while I've felt really weird about some aspects of my work and yesterday when I was talking with a bunch of other girls I figured out what was causing my weird feelings; On some level I believe that I owe people sex, not even in specific circumstances just in fucking general. It might be easier to deal with if it was just circumstantial but it's not and it's really uncomfortable sometimes telling people no or even being around people who I know want to fuck me because it feels like I'm going against nature. Worse yet, being around most other sex workers feels isolating because I can't relate to their interactions with people due to the fact that our interactions are different. It makes me feel like I'm trapped on the fringes of two worlds and it just sucks.
It feels like I'm going through puberty again and all of my friends are losing their virginities and I'm... Not. It feels awkward and uncomfortable, judgmental and limiting...
In many ways I wish I could just wave a magic wand and have things be simple; It would be so nice to fit neatly into one world or the other. Often I fantasize about becoming a full-fledged escort but honestly, I don't think that would make me happy and I'm incredibly jealous of the women who find happiness there. That's not to say that it's easy at all or that it doesn't take a toll on you, I'm not trying to glamorize it and I don't admire the glamour associated with it; I admire the strength of women who can be escorts. Fucking someone is giving them a part of you for a period of time and it's something so intimate and potentially risky that it boggles my mind how someone can be so strong and so generous with their body.
I feel like a hypocrite sometimes by calling myself a sex worker because I'm not giving as much as an escort is giving and I don't know how to find something that feels like I'm giving something equivalent. .... More importantly, I don't know why I'm down playing what I do or how much I give to people. It's probably a combination of how much importance I put on sex and how much importance other people put on sex. Unfortunately, I don't know how to reconcile those beliefs and my desires. So I'm left with a big heap of ideas, concepts and reasons but not really any answer other than "hopefully everything will work out if I just be myself and try my best" which kinda sucks but it's better than nothing.
Talking to other people about similar shit would probably help too.
For a while I've felt really weird about some aspects of my work and yesterday when I was talking with a bunch of other girls I figured out what was causing my weird feelings; On some level I believe that I owe people sex, not even in specific circumstances just in fucking general. It might be easier to deal with if it was just circumstantial but it's not and it's really uncomfortable sometimes telling people no or even being around people who I know want to fuck me because it feels like I'm going against nature. Worse yet, being around most other sex workers feels isolating because I can't relate to their interactions with people due to the fact that our interactions are different. It makes me feel like I'm trapped on the fringes of two worlds and it just sucks.
It feels like I'm going through puberty again and all of my friends are losing their virginities and I'm... Not. It feels awkward and uncomfortable, judgmental and limiting...
In many ways I wish I could just wave a magic wand and have things be simple; It would be so nice to fit neatly into one world or the other. Often I fantasize about becoming a full-fledged escort but honestly, I don't think that would make me happy and I'm incredibly jealous of the women who find happiness there. That's not to say that it's easy at all or that it doesn't take a toll on you, I'm not trying to glamorize it and I don't admire the glamour associated with it; I admire the strength of women who can be escorts. Fucking someone is giving them a part of you for a period of time and it's something so intimate and potentially risky that it boggles my mind how someone can be so strong and so generous with their body.
I feel like a hypocrite sometimes by calling myself a sex worker because I'm not giving as much as an escort is giving and I don't know how to find something that feels like I'm giving something equivalent. .... More importantly, I don't know why I'm down playing what I do or how much I give to people. It's probably a combination of how much importance I put on sex and how much importance other people put on sex. Unfortunately, I don't know how to reconcile those beliefs and my desires. So I'm left with a big heap of ideas, concepts and reasons but not really any answer other than "hopefully everything will work out if I just be myself and try my best" which kinda sucks but it's better than nothing.
Talking to other people about similar shit would probably help too.
Monday, November 4, 2013
A Very Sweet Review and Some Thoughts
Upon request one of my lovely submissives, P. wrote this for me to surmise his experience with me.
I don't think I'll ever get tired of reading about the wonderful experiences that I've helped create for other people. Knowing that I can make someone's day, week, month, year or even lifetime is immensely flattering, enthralling and inspiring; It truly makes me feel like I'm making the world a little bit brighter, in my own weird way.
"I just want to say a little something about Ruby.
I have never seen a "pro" before so she was my first experience there, and as we all know, first impressions are important. I admit I was a bit hesitant, with all that we hear nowadays about being set-up, ripped off, or worse in such circumstances, I was very cautious and a bit edgy.
We met at a casual public place and walked to her place of business.
Ruby soon made me feel at ease. She is not only very sexy, she is very real and very accommodating. We chatted a bit more so she could learn more about what I desired and my limitations. Although I was still feeling a bit self conscience of the large age difference between us, she never gave any indication that she was nothing but pleased to fulfill my fantasy scene.
That being said, once our session began, I was in pure bliss. I won't get into details, but I'm a pretty kinky dude, and she filled and fulfilled my desires as well as humanly possible. It was the best hour and a half of my life, and the quickest! (note to self, next session must be at least 2 hours or more).
When our official time came to a close, Ruby was so gracious, she made no effort to push me out the door, in fact we sat on the floor and talked at length. At this point I was VERY comfortable with her. If you're old like me, and a Beatles fan like me, think Norwegian wood.
By now I was actually starting to feel like I was imposing, staying longer than I should. But Ruby is one that is so pleasant to be around, its easy to forget that she is a "provider", and think of her as a friend.
I envy those who get to spend time with Ruby on a daily basis, she is smart, sexy, beautiful and a genuinely fun person to be around. My only regret is that my time with her is so limited. In short, Ruby can be your dream cum true, if your willing to let her.
P."
I don't think I'll ever get tired of reading about the wonderful experiences that I've helped create for other people. Knowing that I can make someone's day, week, month, year or even lifetime is immensely flattering, enthralling and inspiring; It truly makes me feel like I'm making the world a little bit brighter, in my own weird way.
"I just want to say a little something about Ruby.
I have never seen a "pro" before so she was my first experience there, and as we all know, first impressions are important. I admit I was a bit hesitant, with all that we hear nowadays about being set-up, ripped off, or worse in such circumstances, I was very cautious and a bit edgy.
We met at a casual public place and walked to her place of business.
Ruby soon made me feel at ease. She is not only very sexy, she is very real and very accommodating. We chatted a bit more so she could learn more about what I desired and my limitations. Although I was still feeling a bit self conscience of the large age difference between us, she never gave any indication that she was nothing but pleased to fulfill my fantasy scene.
That being said, once our session began, I was in pure bliss. I won't get into details, but I'm a pretty kinky dude, and she filled and fulfilled my desires as well as humanly possible. It was the best hour and a half of my life, and the quickest! (note to self, next session must be at least 2 hours or more).
When our official time came to a close, Ruby was so gracious, she made no effort to push me out the door, in fact we sat on the floor and talked at length. At this point I was VERY comfortable with her. If you're old like me, and a Beatles fan like me, think Norwegian wood.
By now I was actually starting to feel like I was imposing, staying longer than I should. But Ruby is one that is so pleasant to be around, its easy to forget that she is a "provider", and think of her as a friend.
I envy those who get to spend time with Ruby on a daily basis, she is smart, sexy, beautiful and a genuinely fun person to be around. My only regret is that my time with her is so limited. In short, Ruby can be your dream cum true, if your willing to let her.
P."
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
A Collection of Thank Yous
I decided to go through my emails today and reading some of the thank you's I've received from some of the people I've had contact with has made me very, very happy. Lucky for you, I've decided to make a small catalog of some of the thank you emails I've received so that other people can read them and feel some of the wonderful vibes that others have sent my way. :)
I hope the writers of these little notes don't mind that I'm sharing them.
To be blunt, reading little sweet things or stories that people write for me about their experiences with me really makes my day.
I hope you enjoy these as much as I did!
------
9/22/2013
Good Evening Ruby, I just wanted to touch base with you and thank you for such an incredible session. I liked that you were taller than me, and you being so attractive, I think weakens the defenses of the male brain. I don't know exactly what you were doing exactly, but I've never felt anything quite like that. The waves that kept going on and on at the same intensity even though my body was ready for the waves to subside, they kept on and on going! Looking forward to next time.....:)
8/22/2013
Hi! Thanks for making my birthday present special.
Here's a pic of how things are progressing... I love it! Although pain from sitting down is starting to become a memory, I think it'll probably hardly hurt at all in another day or two :( awww
I loved, loved, loved being sewn shut and I can't stop thinking about it. We took the sutures out this morning, but I really would have preferred to leave them in much longer. The only reason we didn't was because we wanted to get it disinfected. I've never done something like that before and what I didn't expect was to be so excited to do it again. I missed having it sewn shut all day.
I also really don't want to do too much to guide the experience by saying the right (or wrong) thing. For example, I was seriously super excited that I was about to be sounded for the first time, but I didn't really want to give anything away until after the fact. My sexual fantasies are typically centered around a powerful, anonymous figure or captor inflicting their torments on me. I like the experience to feel non-consensual for my part, including not having an exit or safeword. (I might clarify, it isn't so much about wanting to feel like a victim, so much as it is the power of the dehumanization and objectification that this situation implies).
Obviously a safeword is needed for some situations, like when, for example, I'm about to faint... :) but for a situation to feel real or genuine enough to really capture my interest I need to feel like it can't simply be shut down once started. If I've committed to "hurt me however you want", but I can stop it with a word, then the situation has no power. I want - NEED - "wimping out" to be an invalid use of a safeword.
It's this desire to feel totally out of control that prompted all of the negotiation for the scene to happen out of my hands in the first place. If my girlfriend negotiates for me, I am a) robbed of the ability to describe in pedantic detail what I want and b) relieved of the uncomfortable sensation of having to ask for torment that I want inflicted on me with sadistic disregard of my feelings
On a related note, I read your blog post, "The Problem with Dominants" and I have to say that this really stuck out to me: "In many ways I find traditional power exchange (I am the dominant because we've decided this) to be corny and unrealistic". This is exactly how I feel. I'm not really much of a submissive person, though most of my fantasies place me on the bottom. That power is TAKEN from me, BEATEN (or extorted) out of me, not given up willingly. I'm cooperative with a play partner to the extent that I want to have a good experience, like letting myself get tied up in the first place, but I hate the idea of becoming a simpering wimp with no justification. Really I would prefer to be bound and helpless for the duration of a scene, so that I can feel free to struggle and protest in vain. The more I have to cooperate with my own torment, in many ways the less realistic and less erotic it becomes.
Do let us know when you get your scary new lead-filled toy in. I'd be happy to help you break it in. And I'm really excited to get into a whole bunch of other fucked up stuff.
Hoping to be the object of your abuse again soon,
10/20/2013
Dear Madame Ruby, Thank You for the unbelievably amazing experience yesterday! Your exquisite touch and expert guidance in fulfilling my long held dream was magical. Thank You so very kindly Madame. You are amazing! :) Thank You Madame! I hope I did truly please You and bring You enjoyment. You rocked my world Ma'am.9/24/2013
9/25/2013Hi Goddess Ruby,Is it okay to for me to address you that way? First of all I'd like to thank you for our most recent time together. I'm sorry I didn't have much to say afterward. I do have a few notes that I've been meaning to pass on to you.
The sounding was something I'd do again in spite of it being the most painful thing we tried. I think I could start to enjoy the intensity of the pain, and also the idea of stretching to accommodate larger objects as you mentioned such as fingers or toys is intriguing. Each time you pressed on me with your hand I could feel the same pain but to a lesser degree, so it was an interesting combination.The bondage made everything that much more tantalizing, so I'd definitely do that again. I also enjoyed seeing the pattern of the rope marks on my skin.The toothpick as you called it was frightening because I imagined it skewering me. Thank you so much for painting my toenails. I know you didn't have to do that and it made me feel good. I haven't purchased a corset yet; the options were somewhat overwhelming. For now I have a waist cincher, and it seems to work okay.
Ruby,
First of all thank you so much for your guidance last night. Another awesome session! I skipped my masturbation session early this morning as you ordered. I instead thought of an idea. I take frequent trips for work that last anywhere from 2 to 5 days sometimes. If I ordered a chastity device I could experience a few days of it without anyone knowing. I found some small padlocks that actually use 4 letter words as the combination. If I ordered a 4 pack of the locks I could have them sent to you you could come up with the word combinations and mail them to me without me knowing the words that unlock them. I could snap the lock in place at the beginning of the trip and you could text me the word to unlock the lock on the last day right before I get home. That way I arrive home after several days of chastity and ready to see my wife. I know that might be more of a hassle than you care for with the locks but I would pay you to do it if your interested.
I love letting you control and guide me on this journey! I slept with my headphones on last night with the hypno mp3 from Candice called Pussywhipped. I keep hearing some of the catch phrases like to get the pussy you have to be the pussy. I am so glad you understand my submissive desire and do not judge me for them.
8/22/2013
Hi Ruby,
It was great seeing you last night. Overall I enjoyed myself, but was a little disappointed in size and hardness (he didn't seem to ever get really hard) of you know what.
Actually I was most turned on by - a sexy woman - than anything else...as that is what I'm most interested in anyway! And mostly I like lingerie on sexy women too...
Reviews!
Review #005: By Jobber3333 on 5/7/2013
Review #004: By Reading is Sexy via email
Kitten with a whip. Ruby has that delightful combination of youth, enthusiasm and good looks along w/ an incredibly perverted mind and a deliciously delightful sadistic streak. While only 21, she displays an experience and skill far beyond her years. Ruby is intelligent, charming and very, very sexy. She’s professional, communicates clearly, and once the scene starts, she’s very imaginative and spontaneous, keeping a good sub on his toes. Definitely worth the time.
Review #003: By bigslave55 on 7/29/12
i had an amazing session with ruby today i wont go into to much detail but she was nothing short of perfect beautiful twisted suprising everything i look for in a domme i look foward to many more sessions and fun with her best day ive ever had
Review #002: by Donjuan on 7/13/12
I had the pleasure to spend some time with Ruby on Tuesday, and all I can say is "Wow, fucken wow!" When I called prior to meeting, she was real clear that there would be no blowjobs or sex of any sort. We had a bunch of fun anyways, and she never mentioned time. She likes us to dictate pace, and is funny, laughs, and is real at ease. She's willing to teach ya a few things too. I would definitely see Ruby again, and her pictures are of her.
Review #001: by Otis on 7/17/2012
LOCATION: Bellevue
DATE: July 16, 2012
NAME: Ruby Enraylls
INCALL/OUTCALL: in
INCALL CLEANLINESS: clean and cozy
AGENCY OR INDY: indy
ACCURATE PICTURE: yes
PERSONALITY: very friendly, intelligent
RACE: seemed white
BODY TYPE: athletic
FEET: well groomed and yummy
TATTOOS: classy
PIERCINGS: yes, again classy; especially liked the nipple piercings
CLOTHES: sexy
GLASSES: yes
MOANS OR OTHER SOUNDS?: giggles
ENERGY LEVEL DISPLAYED: high
FRENCH: no
GREEK: no
RUSSIAN: maybe?
DONTs: won't fuck or blow you
RECOMMEND: yes, if you have kink
REPEAT: (do you intend to see provider again?) yes
COMMENTS: When I read Ruby’s initial ad in “Seattle Fetish”, I knew I wanted to meet her and try her unique offerings. I waiting a few days to contact her because I’m trying wean myself from seeing new providers. Okay my will power broke down and I contacted Ruby for a day-of appointment. She accommodated my request and we met at her in call within 2 hours. Ruby’s ad photos are steaming hot, but to see her in person is a step beyond. I would simply say she is tall, sexy and exudes kinkiness. Any nervousness or apprehension I had quickly dissipated. Ruby was a pleasure to converse with and very intelligent. Also she’s a geek. With my engineering background she seemed to out-geek me. We had a lot of common interests, like photography and computer programming. I could have chatted with her all night.
Okay so let’s get down to business. Ruby’s first question to me was, “what is your kink”. It seems that whatever it was, I was going to get some right then! I told her I liked nipple torture (on me) and have a bit of a foot fetish. I also told her of my new favorite sexual activity, which I discovered with my ATF. Of course this involves skin to skin contact which Ruby doesn’t offer, but I told her about it anyway. She seemed excited about my other kinks though. We kissed and snuggled naked on her bed for a brief time, and then she brought out the nipple torture devices. She began torturing my nipples and I began masturbating. I had my eyes closed, then noticed her foot rubbing my face, especially my lips. I proceeded with some intense foot worship. Ruby then slid down and touched me with her feet. Very hot! She slid back up so I could worship her other foot. She giggled as I must have been quite the sight.
Afterward we watched some of Ruby’s porn. One video in which she’s strapped to this bondage apparatus and being cunt fucked with this mechanical “fuck machine”. The guy with her was stimulating her clit with a magic wand. This went on and on until Ruby needed her wrists unclamped as they were getting numb. I loved watching this video and told her I’d like to try these devices on me. We chatted about other kink we could try in future sessions. It seems the sky‘s the limit with Ruby.
My sessions typically fall somewhere in between competative and semi-competative depending on how the lady feels about wrestling after we get acquainted. Ruby is not a trained wrestler at this point but I found her to be a very game and challenging opponent. She was very receptive to working on some basic moves and proved to be a quick and enthusiastic learner. Once we started wrestling, I found her to be maybe a little tougher opponent than Kristi Etzold but easier than Raquel ( the Seattle one ). And if you are familiar with the classic Star Trek Episode, A Piece of the Action... I left one of my submission wrestling training books with her....
I highly recommend Ruby.
I highly recommend Ruby.
Review #004: By Reading is Sexy via email
Kitten with a whip. Ruby has that delightful combination of youth, enthusiasm and good looks along w/ an incredibly perverted mind and a deliciously delightful sadistic streak. While only 21, she displays an experience and skill far beyond her years. Ruby is intelligent, charming and very, very sexy. She’s professional, communicates clearly, and once the scene starts, she’s very imaginative and spontaneous, keeping a good sub on his toes. Definitely worth the time.
Review #003: By bigslave55 on 7/29/12
i had an amazing session with ruby today i wont go into to much detail but she was nothing short of perfect beautiful twisted suprising everything i look for in a domme i look foward to many more sessions and fun with her best day ive ever had
Review #002: by Donjuan on 7/13/12
I had the pleasure to spend some time with Ruby on Tuesday, and all I can say is "Wow, fucken wow!" When I called prior to meeting, she was real clear that there would be no blowjobs or sex of any sort. We had a bunch of fun anyways, and she never mentioned time. She likes us to dictate pace, and is funny, laughs, and is real at ease. She's willing to teach ya a few things too. I would definitely see Ruby again, and her pictures are of her.
Review #001: by Otis on 7/17/2012
LOCATION: Bellevue
DATE: July 16, 2012
NAME: Ruby Enraylls
INCALL/OUTCALL: in
INCALL CLEANLINESS: clean and cozy
AGENCY OR INDY: indy
ACCURATE PICTURE: yes
PERSONALITY: very friendly, intelligent
RACE: seemed white
BODY TYPE: athletic
FEET: well groomed and yummy
TATTOOS: classy
PIERCINGS: yes, again classy; especially liked the nipple piercings
CLOTHES: sexy
GLASSES: yes
MOANS OR OTHER SOUNDS?: giggles
ENERGY LEVEL DISPLAYED: high
FRENCH: no
GREEK: no
RUSSIAN: maybe?
DONTs: won't fuck or blow you
RECOMMEND: yes, if you have kink
REPEAT: (do you intend to see provider again?) yes
COMMENTS: When I read Ruby’s initial ad in “Seattle Fetish”, I knew I wanted to meet her and try her unique offerings. I waiting a few days to contact her because I’m trying wean myself from seeing new providers. Okay my will power broke down and I contacted Ruby for a day-of appointment. She accommodated my request and we met at her in call within 2 hours. Ruby’s ad photos are steaming hot, but to see her in person is a step beyond. I would simply say she is tall, sexy and exudes kinkiness. Any nervousness or apprehension I had quickly dissipated. Ruby was a pleasure to converse with and very intelligent. Also she’s a geek. With my engineering background she seemed to out-geek me. We had a lot of common interests, like photography and computer programming. I could have chatted with her all night.
Okay so let’s get down to business. Ruby’s first question to me was, “what is your kink”. It seems that whatever it was, I was going to get some right then! I told her I liked nipple torture (on me) and have a bit of a foot fetish. I also told her of my new favorite sexual activity, which I discovered with my ATF. Of course this involves skin to skin contact which Ruby doesn’t offer, but I told her about it anyway. She seemed excited about my other kinks though. We kissed and snuggled naked on her bed for a brief time, and then she brought out the nipple torture devices. She began torturing my nipples and I began masturbating. I had my eyes closed, then noticed her foot rubbing my face, especially my lips. I proceeded with some intense foot worship. Ruby then slid down and touched me with her feet. Very hot! She slid back up so I could worship her other foot. She giggled as I must have been quite the sight.
Afterward we watched some of Ruby’s porn. One video in which she’s strapped to this bondage apparatus and being cunt fucked with this mechanical “fuck machine”. The guy with her was stimulating her clit with a magic wand. This went on and on until Ruby needed her wrists unclamped as they were getting numb. I loved watching this video and told her I’d like to try these devices on me. We chatted about other kink we could try in future sessions. It seems the sky‘s the limit with Ruby.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
The Finer Points of Being Stalked
When I first discovered creepy emails in my inbox that talked about the location of my dungeon I was kind of freaked out. I don't like people getting information about me without asking me, even meaningless shit like what my favorite color is. I've never liked people talking about me behind my back, regardless of the content of the conversation and I've worked hard to accept that people will do that and that most of the time they won't tell me about it. So naturally, finding out that people were digging up any scraps of information on me that seemed relevant at all, creeping on me in various ways and making up extravagant lies about cumming all over my face is at the very least a little wiggy.
But to be honest... It's also kind of flattering.
People I've never met want to know things about me. People who I've never spoken to and have no connect to are telling other people that they fucked me. People I literally don't give a shit about are doing things to get my attention or broadcast the fact that they know me. That's what crazy people do to celebrities! THAT'S FUCKING. COOL. By the transitive property that must mean that I'm some sort of small scale celebrity.
Seriously, think about it; I have directly done absolutely nothing to, with or for these people and they're spending time and effort to find shit out about me. Once you get past the whole "Ew, why would you do that? That's creepy!" thing generating enough buzz and attention that people are seeking you out (sometimes against your will) is in many ways a sign that you're becoming successful.
"But, Mistress!" You might say "How is violating your privacy anything but a massive disregard for your basic human rights?" Well my pet.. Although it is that, people who generally do things like that and use fear tactics to make someone feel like they're in danger are attempting to force control over you. It's non-consensual D/s. If I'm afraid of anonymous dude A, then he has power over me and then he has a reason to feel powerful. The fact that he's trying to scare me (someone he doesn't have a connection with) into submission says to me that he considers me to be powerful or maybe I even emasculated him. Either way, he has set the tone that I am more powerful than him and he is trying to change that by making me fear for my safety. Unfortunately for him, power only comes from within and taking power away from someone else never makes you feel stronger.
So now that I've broken down why I feel flattered, let's break down why I'm not really concerned by all of this because, let's be honest, that's not a normal human response.
Ideally in the animal kingdom, when one creature threatens another it triggers the fight or flight response which in this day and age means that whoever is fight or flighting is FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. The thing is... Most threats aren't even acted on. Worst case scenario, some dude shows up at my dungeon (or maybe my home if he's crafty enough) and worst worst case scenario is that he tries to hurt me. .... Well then. That should be cause for concern, right? Let's assume that he's skilled enough to take me down and get me vulnerable. Well at that point there's not much I can do as "preparation" other than make sure I keep going to Martial Arts and charge my taser, both of which I should do anyways. Even if all else fails and some really bad shit does indeed happen to me/is going to happen to me.. There's not much someone can do to me that hasn't been done already except actually kill me which is weirdly eroticized to me anyways...
*Ahem* I guess the point of all of this is that being scared when you get creepy emails is stupid, block them and do what you can to tighten your security. Being scared when you get creepy calls is stupid, block them. Being scared when someone leers at you through your window is stupid, bean whoever it is on the head and call the cops. But being scared when someone breaks into your place and tries to kidnap you is legit, except when what you're really afraid of is that they'll see you without make up on... *Ahem...*
So if you're being stalked, creeped on, made to feel uncomfortable or what have you, don't obsess over it. Do what you can to make sure your information and space is secure and move on. Worrying about the what ifs will drive you crazy and trying to make everything perfectly safe will never happen. Living be default is dangerous, don't let someone's rude reminder of that ruin your day.
But to be honest... It's also kind of flattering.
People I've never met want to know things about me. People who I've never spoken to and have no connect to are telling other people that they fucked me. People I literally don't give a shit about are doing things to get my attention or broadcast the fact that they know me. That's what crazy people do to celebrities! THAT'S FUCKING. COOL. By the transitive property that must mean that I'm some sort of small scale celebrity.
Seriously, think about it; I have directly done absolutely nothing to, with or for these people and they're spending time and effort to find shit out about me. Once you get past the whole "Ew, why would you do that? That's creepy!" thing generating enough buzz and attention that people are seeking you out (sometimes against your will) is in many ways a sign that you're becoming successful.
"But, Mistress!" You might say "How is violating your privacy anything but a massive disregard for your basic human rights?" Well my pet.. Although it is that, people who generally do things like that and use fear tactics to make someone feel like they're in danger are attempting to force control over you. It's non-consensual D/s. If I'm afraid of anonymous dude A, then he has power over me and then he has a reason to feel powerful. The fact that he's trying to scare me (someone he doesn't have a connection with) into submission says to me that he considers me to be powerful or maybe I even emasculated him. Either way, he has set the tone that I am more powerful than him and he is trying to change that by making me fear for my safety. Unfortunately for him, power only comes from within and taking power away from someone else never makes you feel stronger.
So now that I've broken down why I feel flattered, let's break down why I'm not really concerned by all of this because, let's be honest, that's not a normal human response.
Ideally in the animal kingdom, when one creature threatens another it triggers the fight or flight response which in this day and age means that whoever is fight or flighting is FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. The thing is... Most threats aren't even acted on. Worst case scenario, some dude shows up at my dungeon (or maybe my home if he's crafty enough) and worst worst case scenario is that he tries to hurt me. .... Well then. That should be cause for concern, right? Let's assume that he's skilled enough to take me down and get me vulnerable. Well at that point there's not much I can do as "preparation" other than make sure I keep going to Martial Arts and charge my taser, both of which I should do anyways. Even if all else fails and some really bad shit does indeed happen to me/is going to happen to me.. There's not much someone can do to me that hasn't been done already except actually kill me which is weirdly eroticized to me anyways...
*Ahem* I guess the point of all of this is that being scared when you get creepy emails is stupid, block them and do what you can to tighten your security. Being scared when you get creepy calls is stupid, block them. Being scared when someone leers at you through your window is stupid, bean whoever it is on the head and call the cops. But being scared when someone breaks into your place and tries to kidnap you is legit, except when what you're really afraid of is that they'll see you without make up on... *Ahem...*
So if you're being stalked, creeped on, made to feel uncomfortable or what have you, don't obsess over it. Do what you can to make sure your information and space is secure and move on. Worrying about the what ifs will drive you crazy and trying to make everything perfectly safe will never happen. Living be default is dangerous, don't let someone's rude reminder of that ruin your day.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Some Thoughts on Inner Strength and Pro-Domme
I love my job. There's such a thrill that comes along with meeting someone new and unknown for bdsm play. What role will he want to play? Will he like me? Will we get along? Will we connect well during play? It completes me like nothing else but it is a hardship at times. To be a dominatrix, a cam girl, an escort or any other kind of sex worker takes the strength to take on the deepest desires and darkest fantasies of a stranger and to make their wildest dreams come true without devaluing, compromising and destroying yourself. to do that well takes an immense amount of strength and the willingness to be vulnerable.
Let me get one thing straight, I am not being paid to be a hole. I am being paid to be myself and use my own passions to make the fantasies of others come true. By coming out and saying "this is who I am. I'm kinky as hell, I like watching others enjoy themselves and even though we don't know if we have chemistry, I'm willing to accept money to meet you and take the chance that you aren't going to rape, kill, stalk, harass or otherwise try to hurt me."
Every part of that statement is a challenge in and of itself and on a day to day basis I don't know how I manage to trust the world so much to accept so much of who I am and more surprisingly still, to want to spend time with me so badly that they'll pay me for the experience.
The days that I expose the most of myself are the days that I excel the most and the days that my clients and friends enjoy the most and knowing that gives me the strength to keep allowing new people to see very intimate sides of me.
Who am I intimately anyways? We all wear disguises in some shape so that we can avoid being hurt but what kind of things are lurking underneath that?
On the exterior, I'm strong, I'm focused but goofy, I'm eager to watch other enjoy themselves and sometimes off the cuff things fall out of my mouth.
Under that... I like causing pain and I love watching people want me.. desire my touch and crave more of me. But it's complicated because although I love to please, I love to deny even more. To watch my victim squirm uncomfortably with delight and disappointment. Sometimes it's hard to keep them on the hook after saying no but that's my favorite part.
Sometimes, I'm insecure like most people. I fear that I'm over valuing myself and driving other away because of that. I'm worried that I'm not good enough, skilled enough, competent enough or intelligent enough to pull off the plans I'm trying to release to the world. Although I have this uncanny ability to just make things work and some weird sort of luck/magic seems to follow me where ever I go. Maybe I'm just really good at handling crisis/stressful situations. That must be it; Sometimes I act like a total tit in a social situation and I shove my foot in my mouth while being a complete ass. Sometimes literally. Yet I manage to be suave enough to not absolutely abhor most people. Despite the fact that these situations I create embarrass and horrify me, I can't seem to stop doing them. Regardless of whether or not I've had something to drink.
Deepest of all... I'm afraid that I'll become a spinster who gets emotional and social fixes from work instead of reaching out to other people. Work is easier. Want to know why? I know the other people involved like me, at least a bit. If they don't, I don't hear from them and that's that. Rejection is scary because still at some base level, my value as a person is tied up in the approval of others.
But you know what? It doesn't have to be. I'm imperfect and I'm okay with that.
What really counts? I try. I give life and experiences as much as I can and then I push myself a little bit harder and that makes me proud, even when I fail miserably.
Let me get one thing straight, I am not being paid to be a hole. I am being paid to be myself and use my own passions to make the fantasies of others come true. By coming out and saying "this is who I am. I'm kinky as hell, I like watching others enjoy themselves and even though we don't know if we have chemistry, I'm willing to accept money to meet you and take the chance that you aren't going to rape, kill, stalk, harass or otherwise try to hurt me."
Every part of that statement is a challenge in and of itself and on a day to day basis I don't know how I manage to trust the world so much to accept so much of who I am and more surprisingly still, to want to spend time with me so badly that they'll pay me for the experience.
The days that I expose the most of myself are the days that I excel the most and the days that my clients and friends enjoy the most and knowing that gives me the strength to keep allowing new people to see very intimate sides of me.
Who am I intimately anyways? We all wear disguises in some shape so that we can avoid being hurt but what kind of things are lurking underneath that?
On the exterior, I'm strong, I'm focused but goofy, I'm eager to watch other enjoy themselves and sometimes off the cuff things fall out of my mouth.
Under that... I like causing pain and I love watching people want me.. desire my touch and crave more of me. But it's complicated because although I love to please, I love to deny even more. To watch my victim squirm uncomfortably with delight and disappointment. Sometimes it's hard to keep them on the hook after saying no but that's my favorite part.
Sometimes, I'm insecure like most people. I fear that I'm over valuing myself and driving other away because of that. I'm worried that I'm not good enough, skilled enough, competent enough or intelligent enough to pull off the plans I'm trying to release to the world. Although I have this uncanny ability to just make things work and some weird sort of luck/magic seems to follow me where ever I go. Maybe I'm just really good at handling crisis/stressful situations. That must be it; Sometimes I act like a total tit in a social situation and I shove my foot in my mouth while being a complete ass. Sometimes literally. Yet I manage to be suave enough to not absolutely abhor most people. Despite the fact that these situations I create embarrass and horrify me, I can't seem to stop doing them. Regardless of whether or not I've had something to drink.
Deepest of all... I'm afraid that I'll become a spinster who gets emotional and social fixes from work instead of reaching out to other people. Work is easier. Want to know why? I know the other people involved like me, at least a bit. If they don't, I don't hear from them and that's that. Rejection is scary because still at some base level, my value as a person is tied up in the approval of others.
But you know what? It doesn't have to be. I'm imperfect and I'm okay with that.
What really counts? I try. I give life and experiences as much as I can and then I push myself a little bit harder and that makes me proud, even when I fail miserably.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Send me ideas for FREE Videos! Also, a picture of me touching myself.
I've decided to start making some free content that I'm going to post through some sharing sites and some on youtube (no nudity, obviously.)
So that leaves you with the task of providing me with ideas!
So that leaves you with the task of providing me with ideas!
If you have any questions, comments, suggestions or ideas of videos for me, please leave a comment here or send me an email: rubyenraylls@gmail.com
Looking forward to hearing from you!
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Now Accepting Applications to be in My Clips!
As some of you know, I have a clips store. I'm perpetually looking to add to it and I've decided to start accepting formal applications. (I have been offering discounts for sessions during which I acquire clips.)
If you're interested in being in some clips of mine, please email the following information to my email address.
rubyenraylls@gmail.com
If you're interested in being in some clips of mine, please email the following information to my email address.
rubyenraylls@gmail.com
Please also specify if you would like to set up a discounted session or if you would like to be interviewed just for clips. (The latter is more specific and will be geared towards what I want to film.)
Model Application
Please attach 3-8 photos that show what you look like, Samples located beneath this application
Name:Desired Stage Name:Age:Gender:Birthdate:Email:Phone:Availability/Time Constraints: Body Type:
Ethnicity:
Hair:
Eyes:
Height:
Weight:
Chest:
Waist:
Hips:
Dress Size:
Shoe Size:
Bust and/or Cock measurements:
Tattoos/piercings/ect:Ethnicity:Hair:Eyes:Height:Weight:Chest:Waist:Hips:Dress Size:Shoe Size:Bust and/or Cock measurements:Tattoos/piercings/ect:Current # of Partners (any intimate contact):# of Partners (any intimate contact) in the last 6 months:# of Partners (any intimate contact) in the last 12 months:Date and results of your partners' last STI/STD screening:History of your partner(s)/Your STI/STD's:Date and results of your last STI/STD screening:Vaccinations:Transmutable Blood/Skin/ect Infections:
What are your BDSM/fetish/ect interests?:
Why are you interested in working with me?:
What are you interested in doing with me? (EG: Clips, Cam shows, Sessions):
What makes you an ideal candidate as my Co-star?:
Do you identify as kinky? If so, explain:
Do you consider anything a hard limit? (EG: Your face cannot appear on film):
Anything else you'd like to tell me?
:
Monday, September 2, 2013
Dominatrix Advice; When You Are The Other Woman
Unfortunately, not everyone is as honest as we would hope; Sometimes people lie to their significant others and sometimes that sucks for everyone involved, especially if you aren't actually involved in the issues at hand. As a professional dominatrix, fetishist, submissive, escort, ect and even just as a person in the dating scene you will encounter this issue at one point in time or another. Likely, if you are the person outside of the relationship you will be blamed by one or both parties for any and all issues... And that sucks because unless you actually did something to pry one person away from the other, it isn't your fault. Hell, even if you did it wasn't your choice or your relationship even if you were an influencing factor in the final decision.
So what should you do when confronted by someone else's significant other? Plead the goddamn fifth, give them your condolences for whatever issues they are having and encourage them to talk to their partner (or in this case, ex.) Someone else's relationship is basically none of your business and it is in everyone's best interest to keep it that way. Sure, you could offer advice but if you're at all like me that's the reason you're in the middle of this in the first place. So keep calm, don't get angry (they are undoubtedly trying to provoke you) and carry on.
Worst case scenario you lose a client/friend and two people hate and blame you for issues in their relationship, if you don't engage then you don't have to deal with that anyways and they will go away on their own.
Hopefully, everyone involved can be adults and you can come to an agreement. Ideally, that would be an open policy in the relationship where the person you were seeing continues to see you and is honest about it with their significant other and you even reassure them from time to time. Keep in mind that is a best case scenario and is probably very unlikely. With that said, unless you want to cause arguments and probably get screamed at you should just not be involved with both parties.
If the person you were seeing chooses to continue to see you make sure that it is crystal clear that you will have nothing to do with them if their significant other gets involved with you and that their relationship is not something that you will be a part of. If either party doesn't respect your wishes then you leave. I cannot stress this enough: Keep your boundaries firm and make sure that you don't get roped into this situation anymore than you need to be. It is also wise to make a point of saying that honesty is the best policy and that you would be far more comfortable with everyone being aware and consensually involved in the situation. Beyond that, it's up to you if you're comfortable risking having an angry wife, husband or girlfriend confront you at random (likely with no idea what is actually going on.)
Let me highlight that again: Even if you make mistakes, someone else's relationship is not your problem.
If anyone would know that important piece of information, it would be me; Unfortunately I often have my fingers in other people's business. Literally and figuratively. Sure, you could tell me that I'm a terrible person for allowing other people to cheat on their significant others but it is really not my business. I believe that honesty and openness are the corner stones of a healthy relationship and I encourage people to be honest or end it but at the end of the day it's not my decision, my problem or my life. Occasionally this blows the fuck up in my face. Take yesterday for example:
Yesterday morning I woke up to a slew of angry text messages from the now ex girlfriend of one of my favorite clients that contained the following information:
I am X's girlfriend. I found your number and X told me he bought things for you and that is not okay with me. He and I decided to try to work out our failing relationship and I think that you are the sole problem in it. I don't care if you hang out but he has promised me that he won't ever see you again because he said that you two have an intimate relationship.Yikes. Where do I even begin with that information? My bitchy side wants to cackle and just point blank say what went on and sit and watch the fireworks that ensue... But that is awful and absolutely inappropriate regardless of the reasons behind it.
So what should you do when confronted by someone else's significant other? Plead the goddamn fifth, give them your condolences for whatever issues they are having and encourage them to talk to their partner (or in this case, ex.) Someone else's relationship is basically none of your business and it is in everyone's best interest to keep it that way. Sure, you could offer advice but if you're at all like me that's the reason you're in the middle of this in the first place. So keep calm, don't get angry (they are undoubtedly trying to provoke you) and carry on.
Worst case scenario you lose a client/friend and two people hate and blame you for issues in their relationship, if you don't engage then you don't have to deal with that anyways and they will go away on their own.
Hopefully, everyone involved can be adults and you can come to an agreement. Ideally, that would be an open policy in the relationship where the person you were seeing continues to see you and is honest about it with their significant other and you even reassure them from time to time. Keep in mind that is a best case scenario and is probably very unlikely. With that said, unless you want to cause arguments and probably get screamed at you should just not be involved with both parties.
If the person you were seeing chooses to continue to see you make sure that it is crystal clear that you will have nothing to do with them if their significant other gets involved with you and that their relationship is not something that you will be a part of. If either party doesn't respect your wishes then you leave. I cannot stress this enough: Keep your boundaries firm and make sure that you don't get roped into this situation anymore than you need to be. It is also wise to make a point of saying that honesty is the best policy and that you would be far more comfortable with everyone being aware and consensually involved in the situation. Beyond that, it's up to you if you're comfortable risking having an angry wife, husband or girlfriend confront you at random (likely with no idea what is actually going on.)
If you have any questions, comments or stories to share about cheating, lying in relationships or extra-relationshipular BDSM/fetish/kink please leave a comment or email me at rubyenraylls@gmail.com
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
More photos; NUDES of the Mistress!
Enjoy some beautifully lit nudes of Mistress Ruby Enraylls!
Want to buy some custom photo sets, videos, phone sessions, cam sessions or time with me in Seattle?
Monday, August 26, 2013
Friday, July 19, 2013
Jack; More than a Client
"I'm not into anything weird." He said, unabashedly but rather awkwardly. Immediately, I knew he was different but I didn't know what exactly to make of him. "Maybe... He's lying." was of course my first thought and of course if someone is lying to a professional who deals with the deepest and darkest desires and fantasies of others it must either be something really awful or something really awful must have happened to him and now he feels the need to conceal his true intentions and desires. Either way, it was a cause for concern. That concern only grew when he informed me that he just wanted to hangout with me over dinner, in public and chat about shit that regular people talk about. Don't get me wrong; I think I'm pretty freaking awesome but honestly, who pays someone to just shoot the shit?
Apparently Jack does.
And Jack is awesome.
Jack is a funny guy; He's straight laced with a very off color sense of humor (in fact he has supplied me with the absolutely WORST jokes I have in my arsenal), he's the most casually professional person I have ever met, he looks a lot like the first boy I ever loved and he is dying (which he confessed to me once and then promptly forgot.) Jack is hilarious, what he does is hilarious, his sense of humor, his ideas, the way he conducts himself; Everything. It is impossible to be uncomfortable around him and even more impossible to feel threatened by him. He is genuinely a great a person and because of who he is he is hands down my favorite client, hell I consider him a real friend.
For most people who work in any service industry it's very easy to separate work from personal life but in a field where you are selling intimacy and trust, the lines become a bit blurred. To be honest, I make almost no attempt to separate the two because I hate feeling as if I am not being genuine. For me because I identify as polyamorous, every client I see is a relationship in a certain sense although it is one with a very defined exchange, well laid out limitations and often a set end time. In this kind of mindset I allow myself to really connect with other people and be who I am as a person as well as a Domina; I don't fake my way through meetings.
For someone like myself (an empath, specifically) it's really important for me to connect with people and as Domina who fetishizes transforming people and pushing them to their limits I have to understand my submissive entirely and read their responses with very few, if any, errors. Meeting Jack helped me understand the importance of not being impersonal and allowing myself to comfortably and safely connect with the people I see. This, if anything is what really sets me apart from other dominas (although many that I know in Seattle also do this.)
To bring this all back to my original point; Meeting Jack made me a better person and significantly improved my life, as much of this line of work has done. Thank you Jack, for contributing to my growth and overall person. :)
Apparently Jack does.
And Jack is awesome.
Jack is a funny guy; He's straight laced with a very off color sense of humor (in fact he has supplied me with the absolutely WORST jokes I have in my arsenal), he's the most casually professional person I have ever met, he looks a lot like the first boy I ever loved and he is dying (which he confessed to me once and then promptly forgot.) Jack is hilarious, what he does is hilarious, his sense of humor, his ideas, the way he conducts himself; Everything. It is impossible to be uncomfortable around him and even more impossible to feel threatened by him. He is genuinely a great a person and because of who he is he is hands down my favorite client, hell I consider him a real friend.
For most people who work in any service industry it's very easy to separate work from personal life but in a field where you are selling intimacy and trust, the lines become a bit blurred. To be honest, I make almost no attempt to separate the two because I hate feeling as if I am not being genuine. For me because I identify as polyamorous, every client I see is a relationship in a certain sense although it is one with a very defined exchange, well laid out limitations and often a set end time. In this kind of mindset I allow myself to really connect with other people and be who I am as a person as well as a Domina; I don't fake my way through meetings.
For someone like myself (an empath, specifically) it's really important for me to connect with people and as Domina who fetishizes transforming people and pushing them to their limits I have to understand my submissive entirely and read their responses with very few, if any, errors. Meeting Jack helped me understand the importance of not being impersonal and allowing myself to comfortably and safely connect with the people I see. This, if anything is what really sets me apart from other dominas (although many that I know in Seattle also do this.)
To bring this all back to my original point; Meeting Jack made me a better person and significantly improved my life, as much of this line of work has done. Thank you Jack, for contributing to my growth and overall person. :)
Progression as a Domina
This evening I filmed some new content during a session with one of my favorite submissives. He's obedient, trusting, always on time, a great conversationalist, respectful yet not timid, he can take what I dish out and I genuinely enjoy his company in and out of session; Our dynamic together is always good and our sessions are always fun. After filming, I started going through what all was on my camera which turned out to be a bunch of sessions I had filmed over the last year or so.
Like most people, over the last year I have grown A LOT and it shows on camera. Everything from how I carry myself to my skill level in session has changed drastically and I would say for the better. Most notably, I have become very skilled at interacting with people and controlling their actions. I have never considered myself to be lacking skill in either of these areas but these days it appears that I effortlessly flow through conversation, banter and play to the point of where it looks utterly effortless. I'm pleased to say that I am quite proud of the way I have been conducting myself, save for a few off days and the confidence shines through which only seems to make me shine brighter.
On a side note, I really should film more; It's a freaking blast!
Like most people, over the last year I have grown A LOT and it shows on camera. Everything from how I carry myself to my skill level in session has changed drastically and I would say for the better. Most notably, I have become very skilled at interacting with people and controlling their actions. I have never considered myself to be lacking skill in either of these areas but these days it appears that I effortlessly flow through conversation, banter and play to the point of where it looks utterly effortless. I'm pleased to say that I am quite proud of the way I have been conducting myself, save for a few off days and the confidence shines through which only seems to make me shine brighter.
On a side note, I really should film more; It's a freaking blast!
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
The Problem with Dominants
I've always been into Primal play: The kind of play where no power exchange dynamic is certain, everything is a battle, the struggle is rough and dirty and sometimes people do actually get hurt. Maybe it's because I get to be both a sadist and a masochist that I love fighting oh so very much.
Wrestling, grappling, submissions, punching, kicking, slapping, grabbing, pulling, head locks, leg locks, arm bars, pins, choke outs, pressure points, scissors, lift and carries... Oh my!
The process of the battle is just so intoxicating; The rush of anxiety at the beginning, the stress of the battle itself, the glory of winning, the embarrassment of losing and the afterglow courtesy of the endorphins racing through my body as a result of intense physical activity. Nothing else quite captures me the same way as a physical power struggle does because nothing else seems to outline both roles so boldly while at the same time leaving them both up for grabs. The dominant party is only the dominant when they are winning or have won and the next second could be completely different; Dominance must be won or earned. Which quite honestly, is a concept I think more people involved in D/s and power exchange should consider or even be aware of.
In many ways I find traditional power exchange (I am the dominant because we've decided this) to be corny and unrealistic. In many situations it isn't an accurate representation of that person, their skills or even the role they identify with. Sometimes the person in the dominant role is just taking direction from the other person because they didn't really want to be in the dominant role or maybe the submissive party has refused to give up control unless it's under this one specific condition.
To give a real world example of a situation where dominance was not correctly placed:
Recently I read a post a man had written about the issues he faced when trying to cut his bottom down from an inverted suspension. It was my understanding that he had three up lines: A gravity boot on each foot and a chest harness. Upon changing the positioning of the gravity boots (from the ends of a spreader bar to the center) a knot had slipped and had tightened down the gravity boot causing the bottom's foot to be pinched uncomfortably. Understandably, the bottom panicked and asked to be let down. Well, no. She commanded her top to cut her down which is exactly what he attempted to do and exactly what he should not have done.
Why should he have not tried to cut her down? First of all it meant he had to leave his bottom, presumably with one of the up lines not secured. Second, literally cutting someone down from an inversion is effectively dropping them on their head although at that point several people had rushed over to help. Thirdly in the time it took him to cut her down he could have had her safely on the ground and resting if he had just untied her. Especially since he had people there to help who could have taken the weight off her foot, held the up lines, ect.
I am in no way trying to advocate for ignoring your bottom; If something is wrong, you need to address it. However, as the dominant person in the scene it is your responsibility to make the best decisions for your bottom and to have the knowledge and know how to prevent emergency situations from occurring and to also have the knowledge and skill to correctly respond to emergency situations. I don't believe that this person had the necessary skills needed to respond safely in this situation; Namely, he lacked the confidence and experience that he needed to correctly assess and respond to this situation.
So what should he have done?
Initially, he should attempted to calm his bottom down to avoid the chaos of a heap of people rushing over and trying to help in a panicked manner. Then he should have just called someone over to help support her and take the weight off the foot that was hurting (or even do that himself ) while he untied her and lowered her to the ground. At most, releasing the up lines should have taken 30 seconds or so. Where as the chaotic attempts to hack her out of the rope took several minutes and several different blades.
Over all, it seems to me that no one who responded to this situation was thinking of anything besides the distress of the bottom which can be a dangerous thing when the top's ability to assess a situation can make the difference between a safe bottom and one with a cracked skull.
Obviously, not all incidents involving traditional power exchange are corny (sometimes they can even be hot) and not all dominants are unable to maintain control in a scene/are faking control but I have witnessed enough train wrecks in human interactions to notice a general theme; Implied or predetermined D/s or power exchange with no basis for testing and defining limits will end horribly. What exactly does that mean, you ask? Simply that in order to have power or control over a person you must earn it and you must be responsible for the control you take.
But I'm the DOMINANT! That means I make the rules and call the shots!
Sure, you're making the decisions and that's kind of a given but why should anyone listen to what you're saying? What have you honestly done to earn submission from someone? Are you qualified to be in control in this situation? What if it goes horribly wrong? Have you earned your submissive's trust? If not, why not and why are they willing to submit to you? Most importantly of all, why do you want to be in control and why do you think you deserve it?
My point of all these questions being that you need to check yourself constantly when it comes to power exchange. If the people involved in most of the train wrecks I mentioned earlier had done something to check themselves and their skills in an honest way, the issues could have been prevented.
Whether it be planning for emergencies, testing your submissive's respect for you with protocol or having an honest chat with someone whose opinion you trust about your skills, earning the right to be dominant is an aspect so often over looked.
So next time when you go to assert your dominance or top a scene, really ask yourself this: Is my submissive's trust in me well placed?
Wrestling, grappling, submissions, punching, kicking, slapping, grabbing, pulling, head locks, leg locks, arm bars, pins, choke outs, pressure points, scissors, lift and carries... Oh my!
The process of the battle is just so intoxicating; The rush of anxiety at the beginning, the stress of the battle itself, the glory of winning, the embarrassment of losing and the afterglow courtesy of the endorphins racing through my body as a result of intense physical activity. Nothing else quite captures me the same way as a physical power struggle does because nothing else seems to outline both roles so boldly while at the same time leaving them both up for grabs. The dominant party is only the dominant when they are winning or have won and the next second could be completely different; Dominance must be won or earned. Which quite honestly, is a concept I think more people involved in D/s and power exchange should consider or even be aware of.
In many ways I find traditional power exchange (I am the dominant because we've decided this) to be corny and unrealistic. In many situations it isn't an accurate representation of that person, their skills or even the role they identify with. Sometimes the person in the dominant role is just taking direction from the other person because they didn't really want to be in the dominant role or maybe the submissive party has refused to give up control unless it's under this one specific condition.
To give a real world example of a situation where dominance was not correctly placed:
Recently I read a post a man had written about the issues he faced when trying to cut his bottom down from an inverted suspension. It was my understanding that he had three up lines: A gravity boot on each foot and a chest harness. Upon changing the positioning of the gravity boots (from the ends of a spreader bar to the center) a knot had slipped and had tightened down the gravity boot causing the bottom's foot to be pinched uncomfortably. Understandably, the bottom panicked and asked to be let down. Well, no. She commanded her top to cut her down which is exactly what he attempted to do and exactly what he should not have done.
Why should he have not tried to cut her down? First of all it meant he had to leave his bottom, presumably with one of the up lines not secured. Second, literally cutting someone down from an inversion is effectively dropping them on their head although at that point several people had rushed over to help. Thirdly in the time it took him to cut her down he could have had her safely on the ground and resting if he had just untied her. Especially since he had people there to help who could have taken the weight off her foot, held the up lines, ect.
I am in no way trying to advocate for ignoring your bottom; If something is wrong, you need to address it. However, as the dominant person in the scene it is your responsibility to make the best decisions for your bottom and to have the knowledge and know how to prevent emergency situations from occurring and to also have the knowledge and skill to correctly respond to emergency situations. I don't believe that this person had the necessary skills needed to respond safely in this situation; Namely, he lacked the confidence and experience that he needed to correctly assess and respond to this situation.
So what should he have done?
Initially, he should attempted to calm his bottom down to avoid the chaos of a heap of people rushing over and trying to help in a panicked manner. Then he should have just called someone over to help support her and take the weight off the foot that was hurting (or even do that himself ) while he untied her and lowered her to the ground. At most, releasing the up lines should have taken 30 seconds or so. Where as the chaotic attempts to hack her out of the rope took several minutes and several different blades.
Over all, it seems to me that no one who responded to this situation was thinking of anything besides the distress of the bottom which can be a dangerous thing when the top's ability to assess a situation can make the difference between a safe bottom and one with a cracked skull.
Obviously, not all incidents involving traditional power exchange are corny (sometimes they can even be hot) and not all dominants are unable to maintain control in a scene/are faking control but I have witnessed enough train wrecks in human interactions to notice a general theme; Implied or predetermined D/s or power exchange with no basis for testing and defining limits will end horribly. What exactly does that mean, you ask? Simply that in order to have power or control over a person you must earn it and you must be responsible for the control you take.
But I'm the DOMINANT! That means I make the rules and call the shots!
Sure, you're making the decisions and that's kind of a given but why should anyone listen to what you're saying? What have you honestly done to earn submission from someone? Are you qualified to be in control in this situation? What if it goes horribly wrong? Have you earned your submissive's trust? If not, why not and why are they willing to submit to you? Most importantly of all, why do you want to be in control and why do you think you deserve it?
My point of all these questions being that you need to check yourself constantly when it comes to power exchange. If the people involved in most of the train wrecks I mentioned earlier had done something to check themselves and their skills in an honest way, the issues could have been prevented.
Whether it be planning for emergencies, testing your submissive's respect for you with protocol or having an honest chat with someone whose opinion you trust about your skills, earning the right to be dominant is an aspect so often over looked.
So next time when you go to assert your dominance or top a scene, really ask yourself this: Is my submissive's trust in me well placed?
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